Thinkin Out Loud

wedding entrance

2009-07-26T19:20:00.001Z

I have been to some weddings and there have been some very emotional ones for me; this one though has made me smile and think - what courage have they?

outreach !

2009-07-16T18:21:00.002Z

This is a great video and explains some of the sentiments that we have here although it's not so easy for us. It did give me an idea though for after the summer. We are doing something like this but on a much smaller scale

it's a church based in the US so bear that in mind when you watch it - not difficult as they have US accents.

books

2009-07-12T14:06:00.004Z

They say that everyone has a book inside them waiting to be written. I honestly believe that. My mum had a pile of research that she had done for a book she wanted to write.I would have loved to have seen it written as my mum had a particular way of communicating so effectively. She understood words and their power.

I love books and have several on the go continually. I am reading one by Rob Bell called "Jesus wants to save Christians". A real challenge to me and I read it slowly and in stages and that way I can make the most it - I even bought me friend a copy so I wouldn't have to share mine and then I can write all over it too.
Another book that I am taking my time to read as it is full of lots of information is called "Sex Traffic" and it is written by an Italian journalist called Paola Monzini. it's about the trafficking problem in Italy and how it fits internationally as a destination and transit country. fascinating to me as when I was visiting recently a lady told me that trafficking and prostitution are not to do with Italy and it isn't really an issue. Tell that to all the women that stand on the side of the road and sell their bodies. tell them that they are not an issue. (I need to calm down as I feel a rant coming on).

And then there are the books that take me away from all the muck and junk and into my fantasy world. Yesterday I picked up Danielle Steel's book, "Rogue. I can guarantee a happy ending and there are days I need that. I love the fact that I can slip into a world of fairy tales and be a child again. Actually, my favourite books at the moment to read for that feeling of being lost in someone elses life are Christian fiction books. I am reading a series called "love finds you..." and they are set in the 50 states of America. Somebody always finds Jesus and I need that too. I often wonder if what I say is falling on deaf ears. They are great to make me wanna stay up all night and to get me involved in the story. I get scared about starting one in case I wont have time to finish it and often end up all night finishing off the story.

I am also really bad as I love to read the ending before I buy a book. I need a happy ending as so many of those I minister to and with don't have happy endings in their lives.

Anyway, books are a source of challenge, learning, escapism and maybe one day I will write my own. I keep threatening to do it and I have many ideas available, but will The Salvation Army publish it - I doubt it!

Whatever you are enjoying reading - please share, I am always on the lookout, but remember I need happy endings. I don't mind what happens in the middle just as long as there is a happy ending.

7th July

2009-07-07T08:42:00.002Z

4 years ago today, I was a part of something that changed London forever. The bits I remember are standing in the rain with a young policeman directing people after the bombs blew in Kings Cross. hearing the explosion of the bus in Tavistock Square and then the extraordinary unity amongst the people that shared those minutes, seconds and hours. I remember learning to flip burgers and laughing,crying and listening to and with the emergency workers. I remember not being able to contact my parents to tell them I was alive and okay. I remember running as fast as i could when a bomb scare happened. I remember waking up the day after and being convinced that I had dreamt it all. I remember making Mel come with me to Waterloo bridge to make sure that London was still standing.
That was four years ago and it seems so much longer, but each 7th July I will remember those minutes and hours and days that followed.
It was definitely a where were you moment? where was I? I was where I am now - in the midst of my community.

Here is a link to the memorial in London.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newsvideo/?bcpid=4464161001&bctid=28653573001

Blessed

2009-06-25T17:07:00.006Z

I have just climbed the stairs to get my phone when I suddenly felt the need to tap something out on here. Maybe it was because of the book that has engrossed me; maybe because I have been looking at my Mural photos on facebook again and all the lovely comments - who knows?
Today has been a weird day. the sun has been shining and I must been one of the few who was grateful for time in a dingy cool office, although the admin bit stinks but when you have music - all can be accomplished. It has been a busy few days but through the meetings and the thoughts and prayers and all the stuff that has happened recently (anniversaries, solitary trips to cemetery etc), I have had the chance to think about how blessed I feel.
On Monday through the medium of film - i shared with some of the men the abhorrence that is Human Trafficking - Taken, a great film starring Liam Neeson. All this whilst Chris and the Cadets were on outreach. As I saw the images of the women being bought and sold I thanked God that I was brought up in a family that never treated me like an object but a real person. I watched as J left and all I could offer him was a sleeping bag. I cleaned Faith House and then locked up the door to my nice safe house and put on an intruder alarm.

Tuesday came and I saw people get involved with the Mural that friends came and designed to symbolise Faith House. It isn't finished but it is getting there. The idea that I can happily fill in the lines and someone else cares about the detail is so comforting to me.

Then Wednesday came and we had a painting session again. Something special happened though. People with no connections came together to create something beautiful and something that will be there for hotel guests to see and enjoy. The Mural - it also brought someone who we haven't seen for a while come close and ask my forgiveness because she hasn't been round so much.

I am blessed because I have the time to read and enjoy and relax and cook my favourite food, but more than that - I am blessed because I get to work at Faith House and see God do some miracles each day.

too many thoughts.

2009-06-18T09:43:00.002Z

since I last posted a thought here I have visited Italy and conducted a wedding there in Italian. I have been busy at work leading worship in a women's prison, reading books on trafficking of people, done lots of good outreach and remembered my parents as June the 7th has passed and June 21st approaches.
Lots has happened but I have to tell you some of the things that have changed me this month.
1. I am forever grateful to those that have become family and regularly remember me when the anniversary of my parents death rolls around. It's two years ago now and it seems like only yesterday.
2. I am forever grateful that God has allowed me to enter into the businesses that we do here at Faith House and after 2 years of praying and 6 months of making contact we are now welcomed with open arms into different businesses.
3. I am convinced more than ever of the vocation that God has given me and that even I can do this beautiful ministry that he has called me too. I am not always brilliant at it - if ever? But I am convinced that i am here because God has placed me here.
4. I can hold my own in Italian - I am confident in speaking it but never feel that i do it justice but after the wedding in Naples I know that i can and am able to communicate all I need to through another language and as a result I have decided to start studying Romanian.

Anyway, it's a very boring blog - but lots has happened and I have not much time to tell it all!

long time

2009-05-25T06:44:00.003Z

I fly to Italy tomorrow very early. I am going to lead a wedding. What can I say - I got the best view in the house. I get to look at the bride and groom and be right there as a front seat witness.
A privilege to be with to friends as they share and make promises to each other.
On a different note - I am slightly freaking out cos it's all in Italian and I have to get it right!
if you believe in prayer and the power of it - please pray for the gift of tongues (especially Italian one).

Update

2009-04-23T15:49:00.001Z

Last Monday Chris, Loes and Dom went on the outreach to the sauna's and lap dance club and here is a quick insight into what happened.
At the first club, with the intention of fixing an appointment to meet the girls, Chris and Loes were invited to go down to the lounge and chat to the girls directly which they did, explaining who they were and 2 years of planning and prayer were answered.
At the the 2nd sauna - on only our second visit, Chris and Loes were welcomed in by the man on the reception desk who was high on drugs, and he told the girls that we were there to tell them about Jesus and after a few moments before leaving he spoke about his own need for support and Chris seized the moment and prayed with him.
At the lap dance club - the bouncer chatted to Dom, Loes and Chris about wanting to learn more about Jesus and could they get him some material. Chris offered to buy him a simple daily reading book and he said yes that sounds good.
It seems really slow to us but it is Gods patience that is getting us into these places.
it's a bulletin report but it's news. keep believing and praying with us.

Hallelujah and keep praying.

Easter thoughts

2009-04-12T23:36:00.003Z

So, this Easter weekend has passed and I have had a really busy but amazing weekend.
Friday - an ecumenical procession thru Kings Cross and the churches remembering the events of the day. Then a drive to Barry. Played Yahtzee with lovely framily!
Saturday - the whole day was geared for the surprise meal for Andrea. I got nervous as we approached the restaurant and the it was over. Family, friends old and new and lovely grub. Then I left the Reynolds/Stock family to begin my drive home with a tinge of sadness and jealousy.
On the way home tho - I had a revelation about Easter. I was missing my parents and seeing Andrea surrounded by hers made it a little sad but I decided not to have a "moment" cos it was about Andrea and not me. But, as I was in the car - I was listening to the Dawn french Autobiography "dear fatty". it's great and she spoke about missing her dad but the closeness she felt to him at times and I could relate to so much that she said.
I was then reminded that tomorrow was about to be the best day of the year - not because Lent was over, not because I could eat chocolate but because I was celebrating Easter and the risen Christ. All of a sudden I got really excited because I realised that my parents were living the realities of Jesus conquering death and eternal life and even tho I missed them - I felt a tinge of jealousy that they were getting to celebrate in heaven!
So, I made a decision that I too would celebrate and so I did. it was so much fun to be excited and have a new revelation about the Easter story. Yes, I feel sad that my parents aren't here; yes, I get weird around family gatherings; yes, it is great to eat chocolate but I have a hope and an assurance and a reason to celebrate. Death and the grief and the feelings it brings cannot hold me down because I have an assurance that i too will be living in heaven and benefiting from the death and resurrection of Jesus!
HALLELUJAH!

Love of the Common People

2009-03-24T10:10:00.002Z

Someone did this on Facebook and I loved the idea - some of the answers make sense and some make no sense, but hey it's all a silliness.

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN!

1 IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Only the good die young – billy joel

2 WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
the stops - elbow

3 WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
when all is said and done – abba (mamma mia soundtrack)

4. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL?
this was their finest hour – winston churchill speech

5 WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
say I – christina milan

6 WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
what’ll I do – chris botti

7 WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Happy Face – destiny’s child

8 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
till I see ya – beverley knight

9 WHAT IS 2+2?
we didn’t start the fire – billy joel

10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
friends – bette midler (honest I didn’t fix it)

11 WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Saviour – beverley knight

12 WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dignity – deacon blue

13 WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Jacob’c ladder – bruce springsteen

14 WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Happy feet – Randy spendlove (shall we dance soundtrack)

15 WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Gospel Medley – Destiny’s child

16 WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
first time – beverley night

17 WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
an awakening thought - Vana

18 Mystery question?
grounds for divorce - elbow

19 WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Honey, Honey – abba (mamma mia soundtrack)

20 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
she’s got a way – billy joel

21 WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
rearview – anastacia (funny one for me, lol)

22 HOW WILL YOU DIE?
ain’t that a lotta love – beverley knight

23 WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
where do I belong - anastacia

24 WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
living on the ceiling - blancmange

25 WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
grace under pressure - elbow

26 WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
get up – beverley knight

27 WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
lets get blown freestyle – duo live

28 DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
angels –beverley knight

29 IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
there can be no whitewash in the white house – Richard Nixon speech

30 WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
real gone kid – deacon blue

31 WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
love of the common people – bruce springsteen

outreach

2009-03-23T23:28:00.004Z

faith House is a great place and I love it and I love the challenge of it. Last year The Salvation Army sent me to the USA for a conference and it was great.I came back from there fired up and full of vision and drive. It's been a long time coming but basically I decided that we needed to branch out cos I was bored with the mundane and I have no problem admitting that. So, we started a ministry to the Sauna's/Massage parlours and lap dance club that is in our area.
After 3 months of prayer - walking and building up courage, we delivered a letter to five places that we had decided upon. And after that each week we have knocked on their doors and said hello.
One place has told us no. One place looks at us warily and another just isn't so sure about who we are and has showed nothing - interest or disdain.
But two places have opened their doors to us. A sauna/massage parlour that last week actually asked if we wanted to meet the girls and chat to them.

And then Secrets - the lap dance club where we have been chatting to the bouncers and taking them chocolate each week. Tonight whilst I was outside, 2 of the girls came out and were on their way to drum up business (the recession has hit them too!)They gave me several cards and asked me who I was. I told them and they seemed quite interested that we would bother.

So, why am I writing this? a couple of reasons:
1. It takes a long time to make the contact and gain the trust of people. Why would they?
2. The faces of these people are real and either I am getting old or they are young?

Whatever the reasons for writing this, I would ask that if you are a Christian that you pray for the teams protection - we really need your prayers. And also, the reality is that not all of the women we have met are foreign nationals - they are British. Somehow, it often assumed that the women are foreign nationals.
I wanted to write something and in many ways this is just a waffle; but here's what I am learning.
I am fearful of this ministry at times.
Being a pioneer can be really hard work
It is great seeing God in action.

Man shall not live by bread alone!

2009-02-26T15:18:00.004Z

so I have made a decision for Lent. I thought long and hard about it! I have given up caffeine and bread! There is nothing more comforting than a slice of toast or even beans on toast with a mug of hot tea!! It was a few years ago, when I was chatting to a woman in our centre and we were discussing how hard it is to give up smoking! So, I told her I would give caffeine up and I am here to tell you how hard it is.

Only last week on my return to London - I suffered the most terrible headache! All I had drunk was 3 espresso's a day! I could not believe that 15 cups of caffeine would have caused so much pain.

Why bread - well, I did think of giving up exercise but it helps me feel better. and I want to feel good.
So, I chose bread - another comfort food. I want to understand some of what makes me desire the comfort of bread and besides, I reckon and am hoping it will help with the weight loss.

I think I will report back on what makes sense, but for now - if I visit, can I please have juice or water and no bread!
Jesus said after all "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God". I suppose that opens up another whole load of stuff to discuss.

Naples

2009-02-19T22:15:00.004Z

I went to Naples - the city of pizza, chaos and some very special people who are a part of my life.

These are a couple photo's of Naples with Vesuvius in the background and also the built up city rising from the bay as well as a photo of Vale and Gigi that I love and captured when they weren't posing.

I had a great time with them and loved talking about their wedding in June!!!

Just wanted to share some of those images!!!

I will let you see what I love about that city!!!

25 Random things - you might know or not about me

2009-02-01T17:02:00.004Z

Do you use Facebook? well, this is my next blog and for Facebook (as this blog gets sent straight to Facebook!!

1. I love playing my tambourine in church
2. I am passionate about my friends
3. I have a food intolerance to Avocado's
4. I am a hopeless romantic
5. I love romantic comedy's - Sleepless in Seattle, Failure to launch
6. My favourite actress is Meg Ryan
7. I threw "message in a bottle" out because of the sad ending
8. I speak Italian
9. I am passionate about social justice
10. Cooking is my all-time thing to do for relaxation
11. I hate staying in bed
12. I know people from the Mafia
13. I love the fact that Mel & Liv introduce me to new music - Foy Vance & Elbow!
14. I want to go to Africa
15. I have ancestors from Barbados
16. I wish I had been a stand up comedian
17. I am a Labour Party supporter
18. I am the most disorganised person apart from when I go on holiday.
19. I love my own space
20. BBC Radio London Breakfast Show makes me laugh every morning
21. I want to sing on a London Theatre stage
22. If I wasn't a Salvation Army officer, then I'd like to work in a bookshop
23. I wish I could speak Swedish
24. I don't like Paris
25. I love loud music in my car when I am travelling

Random enough for me!! But did you learn anything about me!!!

can't believe it

2009-01-27T22:05:00.002Z

for ages I had a vision and conviction that Faith House and me in particular should be reaching out to the women in the Massage Parlours and Sauna's. Also, the lap dancing club up the road. So, after quite a few months of prayer-walking we gave out the letters to introduce ourselves at the beginning of January and we were not turned away from any of them! One place protested rather quickly saying "we are not that kind of establishment", another said, "thanks". At one - all we do is wave and say hi to the bouncers until they come out and see us and this week, they offered to chase it up for us!! Not easy by any means!! Hard work and a lot of patience needed!
so, last night we did the rounds again and did our usual thing of putting our heads thru the doors and saying hi to the managers/reception staff; except last night - at the club that has been on my heart for a while, we went in and met two of the women from the sauna! My heart leaped for joy and sank all at the same time. Finally a contact with the women we have been praying for; a face to go with body images on the website and yet two beautiful young women working in that place!!!
I have been here now for 6 and half years and I am still challenged by this industry/ministry - but yes, we have made contact and praise God for that!
The challenge takes us further, if you believe in prayer - pray that we can get more contact with more places and while you are at it - pray for protection!!!

my Father's Daughter

2009-01-24T01:37:00.002Z

this is an old photo of me and my dad! This week I have become my Father's daughter in a habit that I always abhorred in him - the need to wash after every meal - straightaway and before he went to bed and for the last week, I have started doing this and what more I have heard my dad saying - "now, the kitchen looks tidier doesn't it"

There are days I miss my folks terribly; I miss there company and physical being, but they still make me laugh when scenes like the above happen!!!

I wonder what else I do that's my mum and dad!!!

44 words

2009-01-20T23:12:00.002Z

I have read a few American blogs today and they have had this thing about 44 words for the Inauguration of the 44th president. Here are mine!

celebration of hope for a new and enthusiastic leader.excitement for all men of all colours. joy beyond measure. real emotion for all. can it be done - yes it can - apparently! Not a saviour - there's only one for me and his name is Jesus.

sleep well and hurrah for democracy

today

2009-01-09T22:12:00.004Z

today the light was so special, I decided that I would go for a walk and see what I could find and here are a couple of photo's from my walk!

I love the fact that my thought went to Michael Buble' and his voice was in my head as I walked around! I could hear him singing - "A Foggy Day in London Town". Yep, I went to the canal and with my ipod playing I tuned the world out for a few minutes and from Michael, I went to Stevie and the song "heaven help us all".

Today - I saw Heaven help a lady in our centre who was so worried that she might have bowel cancer that she has got to the point of asking for prayer! She is a medium and psychic and depressive; but she turned to us for support and encouragement and Heaven has helped her!
I watched a helpless group of people come in so cold and so low and leave so warm and ready to go back into the world!
Today, I heard God say "the fog is clearing Estelle". I feel as though this Christmas/New Year has seen me move on and I have had the worst of times and the best of times!
Today, I felt for the first time in a long time that some of the grief and responsibility that it carries has lifted! I felt that I have some say in me again and that I am less consumed by grief and more aware of it controlling me!
Today, I took my camera out and connected with me and my eyes and the light and the solitude of being in that place and seeing something beautiful! the sun piercing the fog.
Today - The Son pierced the fog!
Today will soon be yesterday and tomorrow will soon be today! Hurrah!
A foggy day in London town with help from heaven - not bad really!!!

2008-2009

2009-01-03T21:10:00.002Z

So, 2008 has arrived and here are a couple of photo's from the very first day of the year and one from the very last day of the year!!!!

What a year and here's to 2009!!!! May it be filled with photo opportunities and fun and love and peace and joy and bucket loads of memories!!!!

2008-12-29T21:36:00.003Z

I have always wanted to do more photo's like this but getting the willing audience who are just there is not always easy, but these are photo's of people from Christmas day and I love how they have turned out.
just wanted to share some!

Christmas..

2008-12-24T23:07:00.002Z

Today I started a new tradition for me - I went to the cinema! I needed to do something and get my constant thoughts away from missing my parents. It hasn't been an easy week! Actually, I have cried everyday this week and probably will before the 25th December is over! Actually, today was the hard day, as this was always the day that I finally got to spend with my folks! So, it always will be a hard one!
So, however much I try today to find something of the joy of Christmas (I even went to see "White Christmas") and came home to make some food and hot Christmas punch!
I can't ever explain unless you have been here - losing your parents or someone very special - what the emptiness and silence does to you! Everywhere you go, it's presents for Mum or Dad! plans to visit the parents!
I am not bitter - just sad and somehow this year has been worse than last year! But as a friend has said - this too will pass!
In many ways, I am learning to make Christmas last a very long time, 10 days ago, I did Christmas with Marston, Mandy and Jordan. I had a great weekend with Tim and Andrea. tomorrow I will celebrate at my church with my church family. I will see Marston and the Family at the weekend. Will celebrate with Denise and Paula on Monday and New years will yet again be with friends; so you see as much I have this empty feeling that will eventually go away. I will live each day and survive each day!
I suppose in all this confusion, what I have learned is that I need to create new experiences to associate with Christmas and trust me when I say that Bing Crosby looked good on a large screen at the cinema!!!!

so, if this post hasn't depressed you too much, then all I want to say is Merry Christmas!

Thursday!!

2008-12-13T13:33:00.003Z

Let me inform you about my Thursday and then it makes sense when I say that I have confused days!!
I got up late after the Faith House Carol Service had happened!
I cleaned my house as I knew that i wouldn't have time on Friday to do it and my family were coming to visit!!
I went and played Carols for 2 hours i the cold on Oxford Street and that was special.
I dashed home because I had to leave again to go to Sutton for Ruth's school production of Bugsy Malone - she played a character called Shady (she is on the left of this photo)!!!

I love Ruth and am very proud to be involved in her life! She is a beautiful human being and one that is growing in strength, character and intelligence!
After leaving the production, I drove home and went straight to a pub in Kings
Cross, where a Charity Gig had been held and I had to pick up the money. It was a good night and raised lots of money for the Salvation Army's Christmas Appeal!

Some people say that life can be boring - when and where does that happen? I would love a boring moment!

surprises

2008-12-09T11:42:00.003Z

I love my work. I love meeting the people on the streets and those that attend our drop-in!
Yesterday after standing and playing Christmas Carols for 6 hours, I came back to Faith House and we got ready for the men's group!
Always an interesting time and after reminding them for the umpteenth time about the Carol Service, they all left and then I went on Outreach with Dom and Loes!
We met a few people but a strange occurrence happened! I met Fran - I haven't seen her for nearly 3 years! She looked good and in between our catching up, she kept hugging me and telling me how great I was and she was good! I asked her how she was and we got the usual "doing good Estelle", then I reminded her to keep herself safe and she said, "I will, but it's alright cos God is with me and he wont ever leave me cos he's a F*#@&*~ diamond" (as in diamond geezer - London speak for top man [not the shop]). She said goodbye and we moved away!
Every so often I get surprised by God!! For Fran - he is very real and that is my prayer for all those that I meet - that God would be very real!

Thanks Fran for the reminder!

every so often

2008-11-29T23:10:00.002Z

Every so often I take a photo that makes me remember the reason I have always loved photography. Having just returned from 3 and half weeks holiday in USA & Canada, I realised that I had taken over 500 photo's!! Now I remember once taking 240 with film cameras! So, like everything else in a disposable society we get to delete and throw away the ones we don't like!!!
But like the one of Tower Bridge that is at the top of this page, this photo has made my heart leap with joy and I love it!!!
The little person was running towards me and my camera on the ground and I had it on timer hoping for something special and I reckon that is what I got!!!

Have you had one of those moments recently??? This picture speaks of my holiday in so many ways and forgive me for not saying more but I am trying to process all that it meant - friends, family, Times Square, Frankenmuth (!)..... trust me I had some of the best ever experiences!!!

But as I once read - get down on the ground and see what appears!!!

holiday

2008-11-22T04:24:00.004Z

Everyone needs to get away and get there head around their lives and all that it means. Soon mine will come to an end and I will be back in the UK; back to work and back to my non holiday work!!!
I have had the best time here in North America. New Jersey, New York and Canada!! Oh what fun I have had and I cannot process it all but let me say that there have been moments of laughter, joy, contemplation, jealousy, bewilderment, sadness, challenge, sisterhood and every other superlative you can imagine to describe what has happened to me!! here are a few photo's that describe just some of what my holiday has meant to me!!!!

So what have I learned - to go with the flow; that I have framily on either side of the "pond"; that I can relax; that I love London (UK); that normal life is better than being a tourist!!! Oh so many things and yet there are still 3 days left! I reckon they will include tears and missing friends and whatever that all means!!! But for now, I am going to revel in this great experience.

40

2008-11-07T02:34:00.003Z

I am 40 and proud and these have been the best days of celebration ever!
I had a party thrown for me by my brother and sister-in-law and nephew with the help of a whole load of friends! It was amazing and I will post some photo's at the end of the month!
Then last Sunday, I flew to JFK airport to pass some time in the US of A! It has been a mad week already! I have seen the Chrysler building - that one from the ANNIE song! I have walked down 1st Avenue and 42nd Street and watched some of the New York Marathon!!!
Since I have been here I have visited the place where the song "Yes Jesus Loves Me" was penned! and West Point Academy!
Tomorrow I go to New York for the weekend with some girlfriends and fun! I can't wait to see them and I will post the photo's here after it all!
So, becoming forty to me has meant Family, Friends and Celebrations but also feeling very loved and special and to you who read this - thanks for your love to me!
This may not seem much but I am still trying to work it out!!!

surprises

2008-10-24T05:37:00.005Z

I have now decided that although I love surprises - I actually cannot do them too well!!!
Let me explain.
Tomorrow my brother is hosting a surprise party for me to celebrate me being 40!!! The being 40 part does not worry me!!! it is the start of a month of celebrations which include a long awaited and long planned holiday to USA/Canada.
So, on Thursday - for the surprise party we don't talk about, I met Valentina, Luigi and Manuela off the coach from the airport and I was doing really well! Thursday came and I attended a couple of meetings; when I was in the office and Valentina arrives at my house with a third person - TIZIANA! I am so shocked that I went pale, speechless and started to shake! after 10 minutes I went to see her and it was weird but I couldn't eat either and that is peculiar!
Let me tell you about these people, they are special to me and I cannot believe that they have travelled from Italy to celebrate at a party I know nothing about. It is amazing that they are here and I thank God for them and for Italy.
I hope you get some surprises along the way sometimes and that they make you speechless, shake and go off your food a little.

my brother Marston

2008-10-09T20:17:00.007Z

Let me fill you in a little. Tomorrow is my big brother Marston's 4* birthday. he is the proud father to Jordan and husband to Mandy and sometimes embarrassed brother to me! I think I embarrass him less now than I used to!
Anyway, he is a genius and his knowledge of all things sports can only be rivalled by the other genius in our family (in this area at least) - my nephew. they like me have this love of all knowledge that is useless for anything else but Trivial Pursuit, millionaire or a pub quiz! If I am ever on Millionaire - he is my phone-a-friend!!!
I remember embarrassing him with girlfriends and getting him into trouble with mum/dad! Not that he didn't deserve it and aren't little sisters supposed to be annoying anyway.
I was very proud of the fact (and still am) that he got his highers and played rugby (and survived) in Edinburgh; that he has stuck it out at the same company for so long and that he can beat his son at the Wii bowling (and everyone else!!)

But more than this, I want to say Happy Birthday to my big brother who in the last couple of years has walked the same path as me and if no-one else can understand he has as we have passed thru and still are passing thru this time of grief (it takes ages!!). So, big brother - hope your birthday is a very special one that makes you laugh and smile and realise that you are very important to your family!!! And I am sure I can find other ways to embarrass you soon!!!!!

@#~$&?}+_^%?@

2008-10-02T20:13:00.002Z

So, today I went to an event and was sharing with the leaders of The Salvation Army my belief that i should be a chaplain to the lap/pole dancing clubs in the area of Euston/Kings Cross etc when she tells me that recently she has written to the Conservative Party and it's leader David "man with a plan" Cameron. The reason being that in their delegates conference welcome pack were vouchers to go to a lap/pole dancing club.
He wrote back saying that he knew nothing about it!!! Even if he didn't - let me nail my colours to the mast and say this, "do I want a party leading my country that allows an agency to include vouchers to a lap/pole dancing club in their welcome to our wholesome family conference???" The answer is a resounding no!
Anyway, I think I might write to my local Conservative party and get their take on the issue - Some things get me so mad and angry and disgusted and @#~$*&?}+_*^%?@ that all I can do is type symbols!!!!

What has made you made recently????

Green Lakes, Washington etc

2008-09-21T13:17:00.002Z

So I am back from two weeks in America. It's hard for me to explain all that happened and I am hoping that here I might be able to get some of the thoughts that I have tried to process down.
Let me start at the conference!
There were approx 300 people from 29 countries and people that I had only read about in articles and books and people that by the end of the week became friends from God. Heroines of faith; people who have survived so much and people who are inspiring to be around!
The above picture is the lake on the Sunday morning! A place of calm and solace where God came and ministered to me.
I met some friends from Canada - Trisha, a woman from my own heart! Christi - a brave and powerful woman in God; Melissa - a bright, kind and beautiful friend; Helen and the team from Nicaragua; Lisa, Wendy and Maria - shining in the darkness; Sill - whose testimony changed my life and love fro people. All of these people who made me realise that nothing is impossible with GOD and the time has arrived for me to get up and start doing whatever God has asked me to do!
Look at this quote from William Booth - I need to do it!!!

You must do it! You cannot hold back. You have enjoyed yourself in Christianity long enough. You have had pleasant feelings, pleasant songs, pleasant meetings, and pleasant prospects. There has been much of human happiness, much clapping of hands and shouting of praises - very much of heaven on earth. Now then, go to God and tell Him you are prepared as much as necessary to turn your back upon it all, and that you are willing to spend the rest of your days struggling in the midst of these perishing multitudes, whatever it may cost you. William Booth

This woman was our worship leader from a church in New York and she was amazing and inspiring and had us singing old gospel songs and the presence of God was so near and it didn't matter the denominations but it made me think of the above quote, that the time comes when the work has to be done and the celebrating will arrive!!! I came away being excited by God and all that He is going to do here in Faith House and all that is going to happen in the next few years. The time has come to get on with it!!!

Then I went to Washington DC where I spent some time with a fellow Freedom Fighter. I have to tell you that the overriding feeling was of the slavery issues that are so embedded in the history of our countries and even though Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King spoke out against the slavery issue -it has not changed, it has only got worse!!!

I stood with the Lincoln Memorial behind me and my feet on a commemorative stone where MLK gave his "I have a dream" speech and then as I looked at the exhibition about their dreams for the world, I cried! I sobbed for all the slaves that are still in that country and in mine and around the world.
I want to be a Freedom Fighter - I have no choice but to be because of what Christ has done on the cross for me.
These words cannot explain the depth of the impact that my USA trip has had on me but I hope they convey something. I I asked God before I went for clarity and that's what I got - the challenge and the battle has just begun!!!

Come and join the battle!

weird week

2008-08-30T16:48:00.005Z

so, this past week has been a weird one.
I have caught up with friends from across seas; I have found a letter that my dad wrote 10 years ago to me whne I was in italy. A letter my mum wrote to someone else on the computer and finally a photo of us as a family from Edinburgh!

It's actually very funny and made me smile with a twinge of sadness. According to Tim, mum looks like a character from Coronation Street!!!

Anyway, the other weird thing and a rarity is that for 5 days now - I have eaten messy food and nothing - splodges, spaghetti, sauces, beans - nothing at all has fallen on my t-shirt. For those of you who know me this is a rarity. it has only added to make the week weird!
So, if you've had a normal week - great! if you've had a weird/unusual week - hurrah!
it's completely okay even if it does throw us off for a few days! Go with the flow and enjoy!

Growth...

2008-08-23T19:44:00.003Z

There are some things that just happen and then there are those that take a little bit of care. These are my tomatoes that i have eaten - one before I took the photo and 3 since! Now, it is the first time I have ever grown tomatoes and I will again! I have been so excited and cared for the plant! I couldn't find tomato plant food, so I used Baby Bio for normal plants. In Kings Cross, it's hard to find insect killer especially for tomato plants and so I used some spray for my roses. But despite my lack of care sometimes; my weird and not so wonderful solutions to things, i have eaten 4 cherry tomatoes and they tasted alright!

I have sometimes in the last two years been other places - if you read my blog regularly (first of all - thanks, cos I don't know who does!); if you are new here then you will know that I have been very self-indulgent at times! And if I am honest, it means that my work has sometimes been left to grow without me!
I have been speaking recently about social action and my ministry here at Faith House. Don't misunderstand me - I love it, but know that it is God who has created me for this work alone. And just like the tomatoes, there are days that I have to find ways to deal with the situations in front of me, and maybe it's like rose spray for tomatoes - it may not seem the perfect thing but it works and the growth at Faith house goes on in spite of me and the times that I have not been completely clued in!
I was asked the other day, why am I here (at Faith House!); and my reply was because the Salvation Army were led by God to appoint me here. I am a round peg in a round hole and I fit perfectly with this style of ministry but that is only because I have allowed God to guide me and be obedient to Him! it's easy really - when you say yes to God, He makes it work!
So, my growth is in spite of me sometimes and Faith House is growth that has happened because even if i don't always do the ideal thing - it's the one that works!

People...........

2008-08-21T17:08:00.003Z

I love people watching and it do it a lot more than I am aware of. Part of this is because of my work here at Faith House. Some of it is because I am nosey! A lot of it is because I am a dreamer.
Take this photo of Mel and Dave, it so them! Mel looking and Dave with his camera in his hand!

You see, I love to imagine a story and spend time doing that when I am at the airport, walking around, even when I am pounding the treadmill at the gym, I wonder what motivates the others to come all the time!
people, Us - we are such an interesting species. Only yesterday I found myself shouting at the TV screen as the GB girl ran in the race. The other day, I was jumping up and down with Chris Hoy! Why - who knows?
Does it matter if we show emotion? In London, you often don't see to much emotion! people just need to get from A-B. But every-so-often I see people get emotional when they meet old friends or new ones at the train station. I hear joy and laughter on a weekend. I see anger from the motorist who just got clamped!
The times I love more though are those that are often ignored who smile when I say Good morning - our street cleaners! The security guards at the council offices and even the reception staff at my gym!
It's only when I people watch that I become aware of the invisible people in my community and then I make an effort to see them and acknowledge them. The best way I do this is to say Thank-You with a good voice to the drivers that stop at the Zebra crossing!

I suppose my challenge is to see the invisible!

Camping

2008-08-12T13:55:00.004Z

so, I went camping and here's what I learnt - the radio is really good fun; tents get hot; Barbeque's and tea whilst sitting reading are what I need. I also learnt that my tent isn't waterproof - but I never thought I'd need it!
This is the sunset!

and the bridge that was next to the campsite....

a swan that chose to chase all the other birds away....

and finally this one - the place where my tent was up until 9am this morning when I left because it was so wet!!!

tomorrow....

2008-08-10T19:00:00.003Z

Tomorrow I am going camping! I haven't been for I reckon nearly 30 years! I have a 10 minute tent to get up in the rain breaks. I have a camping stove, I have a torch and all the stuff ready in a box to put in the car! I am excited! I am going for a little bit of me time - reading, photography, the radio, swimming! I have picked a book already! There are those that have told me I am nuts and some have just laughed but I can't wait for my little adventure!
I will write more when I return and will put photo's on here so bye for now! And by the way - when was your last adventure out of your comfort zone????

got it right!

2008-08-01T15:49:00.003Z

So, i got it all in the right order today - here's what i did!
I got up and went to a prayer meeting.
I hosted our usual Friday brunch/discussion group.
I cleaned Faith House.
I went to the gym and did what you do there!
Then I went for a ride on my scooter! I have used it more in this heat and love it and feel like a kid every time I get on it!
So, now - I've just called my little friend to say happy birthday (she's 2)
After typing this I am going to eat!!

I think I got it right today - I think of that old Sunday School song that reminds me that it's Jesus first, me last and others in between!
In fact I know I got it right!

people....

2008-07-26T15:34:00.003Z

so, i just went to St. Pancras and overheard the following conversation whilst queuing.

Customer: I'm off to Paris
Salesman (with heavy southern Irish Accent): have a great time
Customer: do you know it? Are you french?
Salesman: No, I have only visited!
Customer: Goodbye then or should I say AuRevoir!

it made me laugh. I love people! Thanks Mr. customer and salesman!

the web!

2008-07-26T12:11:00.003Z

every so often, the web makes me laugh! I open Internet explorer and up pops msn.com - my American homepage. It has all these funny bits attached that you can look at News stories, the weather and then it has the panel that changes!
So after doing my cooking of lasagna and rice salad and key lime pie, I thought I'd check my emails! Up pops a panel that advises me on the best verses for dating! So, now I am laughing and intrigued so I click on the link and I am sucked in. (At this point I have to admit, there was also a panel about a reunion between a a guy and his pet tiger!!!!)
I get to this page and here's what pops up, great scripture verses I have loved but have never made me link them to dating! And then the one that makes me laugh out loud:

The voice of my beloved! Behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.
– Song of Solomon 2:7-9“I love this quote,” says Jewish matchmaker Shoshanna Rikon. “It reflects the heroic nature of love and how being in love can make one feel almost super-human. What can daters learn from it? That being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Love is worth overcoming any obstacle.”

This sounds like something out of a love story! I have never heard of anyone talk about their husband or boyfriend in this way and I am a chick flick girl! have to say that the Jewish matchmaker comment made me smirk as well!

oh well, the web and it's many wonders that make my day - even before I have checked my email!!!

happy surfing!!

My community

2008-07-19T14:04:00.004Z

If you live in the UK and have a TV, then you may have caught the new ORANGE phone company advert about a man and in reality community.
I am learning about community in my head at the moment and all that it means! Bono uses a good word "Ubuntu". It means community and me involved in it!
so, today i went to a community event - as much to get away from housework. It was good and I really enjoyed. People often ask me about the fact that there isn't a community here in KX. There is and i know it - I know the Street Wardens, the library staff, the Burger king staff, Rafael at McDonald's! All these and a whole load more make up my community. here are a couple of photo's from today's event! A Chinese choir that sang about Water Chestnut's! An African dance group that laughed and had fun! And kids from a Latin American dance class!!

It was good to be a part of my community today!

beads

2008-07-13T17:58:00.003Z

I am posting this photo because I love the colours and the fact that there is a market stall in Notting Hill that sells only beads. Mum would have loved it - she thought beads were great!
I suppose if I was to find images that remind me of my folks - this could be mum and dad, well, that will be my challenge so watch out!

Now, if you have read recently then you will know that i am getting into Photoshop Elements, but want to say that I have done nothing to this image at all.

pop colour

2008-07-10T19:26:00.003Z

I love my photo's as you are probably aware, so reading my magazine whilst sitting in a court today! I read an article about popping colour! This is my attempt! I love it and will try it more I think!

7/7

2008-07-07T21:34:00.003Z

maybe this day means nothing to you but to many people it means the end of their life as they knew it. For Londoners it was a day when were reminded again of the power and cowardice of terrorism! growing up I remembered the bins being removed for fear of bombs.
there are days that we all remember where we were! the previous generation to me will remember the war ending and MLK being assassinated. I remember the Falklands war ending and John Lennon dying and the bombs going off on that day 3 years ago! I was in my bedroom getting ready for the day when the house shook and then when I was dressed - I was at the end of the road and heard the bang of the bus exploding! There are so many negative things that come to mind about that day, but let me tell you the positives!
# I have become friends with lots of people in the community - including the Burger king where I learned to make burgers and made friends and got free burgers at New year! remember Pat!!!
# I have a new respect for the emergency services - I watched them work tirelessly.
#I remembered my phone going crazy.
#I remember the privilege of being on the station as a member of The Salvation Army and the way that people thanked me for the help that we gave!
#I remember running like I have never done before and thinking about it now - it makes me realise I can run!
#I remember feeling proud to live in this great city and how fast we got it moving and how amazing my community are at looking out for each other!
so,on this day - i have thought about my community and those that tried to break it but actually strengthened it! I love Kings Cross and I love London!

Chains

2008-07-03T19:16:00.004Z

I wonder what the things that hold you back from becoming who God wants us to be really are! I don't know what the chains in your life are!
I have to be honest and say that for me - it has been grief! I can't believe the effect that my parents death has had on me! I never thought that it could! yesterday was the last day of the first year passing and I have survived. Actually, I have lived and I have seen miracles and happy days and sad days and just plain normal days.
Chains are something that never get discussed here at Faith House, but they abound all over the place. The visible and invisible - drugs, alcohol, mental health, sex - all of them and more. A few weeks ago, I heard a comment that has stuck with me and made me think - a woman said the following "because I was gang raped at the age of 13, sex doesn't feel right unless it's destroying me." How sad! But in some ways I can sort of understand what she is saying! The things that keep us chained up will continue to destroy us little by little and a bit more of us disappears.
A while ago, Tim said to me that he hoped I would "become me" one day! I have to say - I think that becoming me, means getting rid of the chains that enslave me and singing that old hymn with gusto and believing God is releasing me and helping me to rise and follow him.
So, what has you enchained and stuck?
I pray that as you become you - the chains will disappear and you will rise and follow God!

Photoshop!!!

2008-06-30T22:06:00.007Z

So, I have enrolled on a camera course in September when I will hopefully actually learn to understand what I doing with my camera and not use Auto settings as much!
In the meantime, I am learning to use Photoshop Elements - a cheaper and easier version for us amateurs of Photoshop!
Also, I read a few websites about Photography and one of those is called Pioneer woman (www.pioneerwoman.com) Now she talks about cowboys and cooking too, but she is also a self taught photgrapher! I copied kinda what she did with a flower and this is what I came up with

The SOCC (straight out of the camera) shot.....

and the fiddled about with shot!

What do you think?

Anyway, this journey will continue and I am discovering more and more my love for photography.

Tulibu dibu douchoo

2008-06-24T19:54:00.003Z

This has to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a while - if you know Mariah Carey, then this is funny!

Thanks Liv - it made and still makes me laugh!!

bloggings about the gym

2008-06-24T12:34:00.003Z

so, I have been going to my gym now for nearly 6 months and I haven't put any updates on here for a while. Well the reason is: I put some weight on and it no surprising with all that has happened in my thoughts and heart over the last month. But I am still going to the gym and I have had some thoughts about it so here they come!

1. why do the men have to puff and grunt and stalk around when they are lifting the weights?
2. why do people have to wear tight clothing when it really is not a good idea?
3. If you are a regular gym goer and a woman, then where do you look when you walk in the changing room?
4. does it ever get any easier or is it a case of the more you go, the more you want to get more in shape?

so, I have other thoughts but for now, these are questions I end up musing as I climb 50 flights of virtual stairs and bike 6kms without moving and dance-yes dance on the cross trainer!!!

Dad

2008-06-20T20:57:00.003Z

hey dad,

I guess I can't believe where the year has gone? I remember sitting with you a year ago on the morning of mum's funeral and you told me off for being with you! You said I should be at home getting ready for the funeral and then you told me you loved me before I left! That was the last thing you ever said to me. I'll never forget when I told you mum had died - you were amazing, you told me to be strong because she was with her Lord and Saviour. Then a couple of days later you had that vision of heaven and I knew you had to go.
What a privilege it was to be with you those last two weeks of your life. I have learnt so much from you in my life - how to deal with people; investing in people; grace and forgiveness.
I was reflecting the other day about the letters you wrote to me when I was in Italy! What a blessing to get those every week. There were days that they got me through the tough moments.
Dad - you had such an influence on people that will be seen in the future. I watched children look to you for advice, young Christians want to learn from you.
So, dad - this year has taught me about so much, but to put into words how much I miss you won't happen because there aren't enough adjectives available.
I love you dad and thank God for your discipline, your encouragement and your holding me faithful to my calling!
Mainly, I thank God for your love which was unconditional! Oh how privileged I have been to have that experience in my life.
So, a year has passed and I thank God for those that have offered fatherly love and support to me, but dad, no-one will ever replace you!
Love ya dad

love this

2008-06-16T14:00:00.002Z

was out with my cousins this weekend and Sasha spotted this moment.

it says so much about being British! Maybe next time, I'll find someone having a picnic in the car by the sea because it's raining out!

Clouds

2008-06-09T21:59:00.002Z

here's a weird image! Clouds - not unusual in the UK! but look closer and you will see the car seat headrests thru the clouds - I took this photo of the reflection on the back window of my car last week and the rear windscreen has added some curve to it! Love these kinda unexpected things - but I took the photo of the clouds reflected deliberately and only when I got home have I seen the reflection!

sometimes it's afterwards we see things differently!

A Fitting Tribute - Sweet Memories

2008-06-08T19:14:00.002Z

When Marston (my brother) and I chose the headstone and grave surround, I never in my wildest dreams expected it to be this beautiful.

Excuse my indulgence but here it is. I can imagine dad walking past and saying, "that's what I want on my headstone", good choice brother & sister-in-law! Good taste dad!

At the foot end is a Rose called Sweet memories that they received for their Golden Anniversary - very fitting!

one year on

2008-06-06T17:07:00.005Z

dear mum,

tomorrow it'll be a year since you were "promoted to glory" (as we say in The Salvation Army) and actually, so much has happened that I don't know where to start! Dad was amazing on the day I told him you had died and more of that will follow. Marston and Mandy have been the best and Marston is more like you than we ever knew!
I miss your voice still, I miss your jokes and still tell them in your honour! I miss telling you all the news and my new recipes I have found.
You and dad always worried I'd be alone, well after the family, my friends have been amazing. They have walked this path with me and listened to me. They have proved to be the best!
There have been so many laughs and tears and days that I just didn't want to do anything, but the God you introduced me to has been faithful every day and I am learning more about His love for me each day.
So many people miss you mum - family, friends etc. I miss sharing all the exciting things about my life. I wanted to call you the other week after the final of a TV programme. I wanted to call you when Tim & Andrea and Mel & Dave got married. What a privilege it was to be with them and their families.
There are some deep things, like I want to know why, but hey it wont change anything, all I know is God heard your prayers when you prayed through the years for your lives (and death).
so, mum just thought I'd let you know and the world what's been going on.

your daughter,

PS I Love You

Black & White or Colour

2008-05-28T20:41:00.003Z

I love colour!

In recent months I have looked at websites full of peoples photo's and I have come to the decision that the ones I love the most are colour photo's. I know that there are times that monochrome can make an image look great - I published one on this site a few days ago, but I have realised that I love colour.

Today, I was visiting someone and she admired my yellow, two tones of pink striped socks and she loved them. I have decided that I feel better when I work in colour and not in monochrome - maybe that's why I struggle with my Salvation Army Uniform - monochrome.

I truly believe in the fact that God created colour and there are so many and I suppose for me to hide those colours when you are creating an image seems a shame. some photo's are better in monochrome because that's the way they are anyway - church/buildings etc, but some photo's I believe are colour ones!

Two almost identical photo's but oh so much better with the colour - I think so anyway!

Life can often be monchrome, but let's celebrate colour and the many colours of life.

Bank Holiday Monday

2008-05-26T12:23:00.003Z

Bank Holiday Monday - if you live in the south - it's raining! If you are in the north - it's nice, they say!
Saw this and took it because I love the fact that I can see the house in the drop of rain hanging off my balcony! Two posts today and I am glad because I have a bit of time to rest and relax with my camera!

blur

2008-05-26T11:44:00.003Z

so, if you are a regular reader to my blog, you will know that i bought myself a camera. I have decided to make this more interesting for me, so I have also invested in Photoshop Elements and have subscribed to a good magazine. there are so many, but what made me go for Digital Photo was it is clear to read and understand; it teaches great techniques and the free gift was a goody!

So, here is something I have learnt and this is #3 out of 3, and it is the best. I have learnt to do a blurring thing!!

So I post the original and the edited version!

I know that there are still bits to sort out, but I kinda like this!!

london walks

2008-05-24T13:09:00.005Z

If you know me - you also know I have a passion for this great city of London and the other day, I found this treasure. So, today I decided I would take a couple of buses and do the walk from Tower Bridge to St. Pauls. It was great and here are some of the photo's I took on the journey.

Tower Bridge

Pepys Burial Ground

Leadenhall Market

Jamaica Coffee House

City of London Church

imitating nature

2008-05-19T18:04:00.004Z

took this photo in Northern Ireland on Bank Holiday Monday and as I said in my previous post, I have been looking at my photo archives. I love how iris and Dave are it seems imitating Nature or maybe it's the other way round. It was completely by chance. Sometimes they are the best shots!
Thanks Dave and Iris!

Home....

2008-05-18T17:13:00.002Z

I decided that i needed to have a clear out of some of the random images that I have on my computer. I found this one on a day that i went for rides and walks with my camera in hand.

not sure why I took it, but it has made me think that we live in a throwaway society a little!!

Adverts

2008-05-17T20:44:00.005Z

so, if you have been reading a while, you will see that I love photography and have taken it up as my "thing" for this year. I also love cooking and often it has been my relaxation when times have been hard and stressed. (I have to insert here that I wish I had a kitchen like my brother & sister-in-laws!!)

Anyway, I was searching Google for something and I found this great site called Pioneer Woman. Check it out and if you are into chick flicks - read the love story!!
thepioneerwoman.com

Another site to check out is Mel's; she is a heroine of mine, she's a sister of mine and she is a singer who makes me cry, smile and proud - check out her site!www.melwiggins.co.uk

Mel's husband Dave is also a photo hero of mine, so check out his site too!! www.davewiggins.co.uk

So, these are what I like to look at and read - go ahead, get hooked with me! Check them out!

Feeling Beautiful..

2008-05-15T19:00:00.003Z

Now this doesn't happen very often at all, but after doing some emails, I got up and saw myself in the mirror above my computer and I decided that I look beautiful! So, then i became a saddo and set up the tripod and put the self timer on and took a picture of myself!!!! And here is the result - Beautiful Stelly

A surprise

2008-05-08T21:03:00.002Z

I found this video on youtube and it made me laugh - I know that it's not Christmas but Mel & Dave treated me to a Foy Vance concert at the weekend and Duke Special was there too! No SA band tho!!!
it is beautiful!

For One weekend - part two (the photo's)

2008-05-07T21:42:00.002Z

Sister Mel making daisy chain
Marlacoo lake near Tandragee
Dave and Joshua
Me in my hat
Window of the Nave in Armagh Cathedral

for one weekend......

2008-05-07T21:20:00.003Z

Last weekend, I went to Northern Ireland to spend time with my sister & brother (not Marston/Mandy) but Mel and Dave. (Previous blogs explain my relationship with Mel etc). Anyway, I wasn't excited about the weekend cos it was an anniversary and all of a sudden on Thursday last week before I travelled, I missed my dad - mad really but hey it comes when you least expect it! (Thanks Tim for your prompt response to a very late text!)
I got on the plane and was thinking of last year when I was with mum and dad at the ROOTS conference and how we saw so many people that my folks loved. I remember a very clear word coming through from everyone who spoke and prayed with me - the word HOPE. I am not sure that I have understood who the Hope was for - me or my folks, but the word came clear and true from many people. Then a month later Mum had died and was living the Eternal Hope of Heaven. 2 weeks later Dad joined Mum to live the same hope.
As I landed in Belfast International and got the car to take me to Dave/Mel's house, I realised I was driving to family and as the memories came back I thanked God again for bringing Mel & Dave into my life.
For one weekend, I felt no sadness on the Sunday-the hardest day of the week for me-the day I miss my folks the most.
For one weekend, the sadness faded a little into the background as I spent time with friends old and new.
For one weekend, I found myself not constantly thinking of my folks.
For one weekend, I found myself not feeling consumed by grief.
For one weekend, I talked about other stuff.
here's the proof: a photo of me outside Armagh Cathedral on a glorious sunny day!

Don't get me wrong, everyday I think of mum and dad, but as I pass another anniversary, I feel some of that hope that friends spoke of 12 months ago!
for one weekend 12 months ago - Hope was spoken about.
For one weekend 12 months ago - I spent time with mum and dad away from Norwich

For one weekend, last weekend - I felt "normal" again.
For one weekend, last weekend - I talked about other stuff.
For one weekend, last weekend - Sunday weren't so bad.
For one weekend, last weekend - I got Hope

If you have need of hope - hang in there for it will come, one weekend.

a photo

2008-04-28T22:34:00.005Z

I found this photo whilst looking for something else and then I got distracted. I love it. Funny eh?? and just wanted to share it because it reminded me of the dad I remember so clearly, the one who was there for me. how it changed - he held me and in those last few months, so often I held him stand!!
sorry, not being morbid, but found this photo and wanted to share it!

PS Can't believe the wavy hair - why didn't it stay??

2008-04-27T22:47:00.002Z

This is a poem EE Cummings and I just heard it read again by Cameron Diaz in the film "In Her Shoes".

I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go you go my dear and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling.

I fear no fate, for you are my fate my sweet, I want no world, for beautiful you are my world my true and its you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life, which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart, I carry you in my heart

Been thinking about my parents a lot this week - another anniversary appears next weekend and all to soon we will be in June. It's strange but it gets you when you are least expecting it - hoovering, washing up; i even tried to do some ironing as a new and exotic experience but it reminded me of my folks. This week I missed dad a lot, I miss them both and it will always be there at the back of my mind. But because I missed my folks, I missed my friends a lot - those that are not near and so i have called them lots.
Sorry guys, but I carry you in my heart.

Nuff said!

Odd One Out

2008-04-26T15:20:00.002Z

Was out wandering with the camera in the sun today and took this photo - have you ever felt like the yellow tulip? I have sometimes, but I love it all the same and it made the picture for me.

Thanks Jessica

2008-04-25T18:45:00.003Z

A young friend of mine, Jessica whom I first met in Ischia – an island off the coast of Naples and who I haven’t seen for ages and yet she has seen me and I got chatting on Facebook Chat! Anyway, I wanted to mention her here because she made me think again! There is an advert here in the UK that encourages people to get involved with some of the most dynamic thinkers in society – Young People. So, I have missed that connection recently.
Back to Ms Tursi in Switzerland. She reminded me of a phrase that William Booth is accredited as saying “Go for sinners & go for the worst”.
With that phrase, there is a need to unpick some bits and this will help you see my challenge.
As Maria would say, “let’s start at the very beginning”.
Go – not wait for them to come to us. I am learning so much about what it means to be the Gospel in a community of people. Not do the Gospel, but be the Gospel. One of the most powerful words that anyone has ever said to me is: “Faith House works because you have come into our world, without presuming we would come to yours”. Maybe this is all the more powerful for me since I feel that I am an evangelist who believes in the Gospel, and it’s power to change lives!
The next word is “sinners”. I have thought longer about this word than any other this week. As I pound the treadmill and the dance on the cross trainer, I have wondered again about my Training College (Bible School for The Salvation Army) days and the teaching about sin and sinners and I can’t remember a word of it! So to Wikipedia –

Sin can refer to a state of mind rather than a specific action. Colloquially, any thought, word, or act considered immoral, shameful, harmful, or alienating might be termed "sinful

Not much help to me really, but here’s what I do like – sin can refer to a state of mind rather than a specific action! Someone who is a sinner is in a specific state of mind doing or thinking about something that violates a moral code. I have been there. I have been in that state of mind, but now I know that I am forgiven so, that means a whole lot of us are sinners and that can mean that we have thought about breaking the speed limit, about gossiping about people, about telling lies! Maybe we are still doing that! It’s the thought that counts is the old saying! In this context and definition – it really is the thought that counts, it is the thought that causes so many problems! The action is a consequence of the thought. Now maybe I have it all wrong, but boy does that make me think differently!
The Worst – am I happy thinking that the worst are just the people who don’t go to church. Now as I make a sweeping generalistaion, please forgive me. Wouldn’t it be a good idea if we went for some of those in our church first! It is well known among those that I love that I get fed up with Christians who are continually pushing the limits with God’s forgiveness and are sinners. Now I am not saying that I am by no means the Holy one here. I have the thoughts, I get in that state of mind. Maybe this is what scripture means when it talks about the renewing of the mind!
This is the New Living Translation of Romans 12:2

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

So as I come to the end of this jumble and what is maybe a sermon/thought (don’t mean to preach), I thank God for Jessica and the challenge that she gave me through facebook chat.

Not sure if it’s completely correct theologically, but it’s my thoughts that are being renewed and transformed daily. Thanks for reading and hanging in!

A New Symbol of London

2008-04-23T17:17:00.004Z

A new symbol of London - the eye. Took this photo on Sunday and have cropped it and made it a black/white picture. It amazes me that something so young has become as symbolic of this great city of London as Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and Tower Bridge!

London

2008-04-23T09:21:00.005Z

This week I have been making journeys across from the North side of the Thames to the south and I made sure that on Sunday I went across Waterloo bridge. My favourite bridge.

I took this photo - not the best but I love this view so much. Then I came home and was tidying up when I found some words I had written after the July 7th bombings and it took me back to going down and standing on this bridge and admiring the view of this city where I live and so here are some memories!

there's anger, there's fear,
there's disbelief, there's tears,
there's death there's pain,
there's bodies to claim.

fear of the unknown,
tears for wasted lives,
pain for those who are gone.

united in pain,
united in hope,
united by the past,
united for the future,

from pain, fear and anger;
must come healing and strength and love;
from disbelief and tears;
grows hope and joy;

so that fear doesn't prevail
let love be our rule.

so, what about your city - what evokes the emotions and feeling of belonging and maybe nothing does!!

My City

2008-04-19T14:35:00.004Z

So, after the gym this morning, getting a haircut and deciding that I don't need a colour cos the silver grey looks man made, I went for a walk with my camera
and had a great time jumping on and off buses and taking photo's so here are a few. I love this city because it is so random. We now have ducks at Trafalgar square!! They got rid of most of the pigeons and now there is a family of Ducks swimming in the fountains.
So, they looked great and I caught some people having that same sense of awe that I do from the top of the steps near the National Gallery.
But there were also those that having taken their photo's just moved along! I am still learning about my camera and so although not brilliant, I love them and my camera!

Faith and Politics

2008-04-15T20:49:00.003Z

Now as I begin to write - this blog could be waffle or it could say something! I'll leave you to decide.

I have always been fascinated by the fact that in America faith & politics are so often linked together and that a faith in Jesus Christ is supposed to make you believe a certain way for the political world. I struggle with that because on many different levels it doesn't always work.

There have been so many atrocities committed during history in the name of God or religion - whatever you prefer - look at the Crusades for a start. my dad always said that if there was another World War - it would be a war of Religion! I pray he wasn't given the gift of prophecy.

But this week in her campaign to get votes - Hilary Clinton went to a gathering of Christians and answered questions. Not told to her and Obama beforehand, but on the spot and here are two things she said!

When asked if she thought God wanted her to be president, Clinton quipped, "I could be glib and say, well, we'll find out."

She said she doesn't presume anything about God and she thought Abraham Lincoln was right to not act as if God is on our side. "In fact, our mission should be on God's side," Clinton said.

The first one didn't have any effect on me but the second quote did! It made me wonder if my mission is on God's side or whether I expect Him to be on mine. I wonder if actually doing the will of God is about me realising that! I could glibly say I am because I feel I am doing the right thing, but is anything I do here at my place of ministry about me - probably because I am involved.
But when does it stop being about me and start becoming about God - when I am prepared to walk away from it? When I recognise that it has become centred around me?? When and actually what is God's mission? Is it, as reported in Matthews Gospel - "to go into all the world and make disciples"? is it "to love one another".

I wonder if Faith and politics go together and I wonder if somehow I have been slow to involve my faith in my belief - do I know what Boris, Ken or Brian believe as I look to another election for London Mayor? was Jesus a Socialist - a sermon I once preached. Does anyone care?

Actually - I do - you see Jesus was willing to help all men/women regardless of where they came from, how much money they had or their social/cultural status. Is my faith important to who i vote for - yes, because I want them to represent me and so i need to have someone who will understand that my mission is God's mission? Does that mean I know who to vote for? NO!

Can faith and politics go together - yes! As long as it means I don't lose touch with who I am and where I fit into God's mission and not where He fits into mine?

Not sure I have answered my own questions but these are my thoughts???

Marathon 2009

2008-04-13T14:18:00.002Z

so if you have been reading my blog - you will know that I am challenging myself to run a marathon next year and I hope it to be the London Marathon. So today I went to see it for some inspiration! And I got it! They just kept coming from under the bridge and as many that had pained looks, there were those that had smiles whenever someone cheered them on. It rained and hailed and the wind blew but I got wet and took these couple of photo's to inspire us all to get up off the sofa and do something for ourselves.

Sound of Music

2008-04-12T18:31:00.005Z

Last year I was supposed to go with my parents to see Connie Fisher in The Sound Of music. That never happened-dad was too il and we planned to go later in the year! So, today I went to see it with 5 friends. It was amazing and a very emotional occasion for me. I cried but I could not believe it when the Mother Abbott at the end told the Captain and Maria to look to the hills, for their help quoting scripture. There were parts that frightened me and Summer Strallen was great. I thank God for these friends and for all the friends who are walking this road with me each and every day. They are so special to me. If you are one of those people (and you know who you are - the ones who get the texts and calls at weird hours), thank-you for your unfailing love and care and prayers for me. I love you lots!

Friday

2008-04-11T06:29:00.002Z

Okay, so last night I had a couple of friends round and we went out for dinner. When we got back a problem I thought was now sorted has returned. I have visitors coming and the hot water is not running! great eh?
so, I phone the SA maintenance people and this is not a priority! great, but they don't have a group for vulnerable women to run and they don't have friends coming to stay!
Actually, I know I should be glad for water and believe me I lived boiling a kettle for me to wash in for 3 weeks, so I don't care, but what about the woman who has slept on the street all night and needs a wash!
Anyway, it just made me think that someone elses priority is maybe not mine and I should be prepared to understand that!

Not a deep and meaningful blog but my morning!!!

Some Words

2008-04-04T18:41:00.002Z

Tonight I was doing some sorting and I found words that I had written 2 months ago on the 3rd February. They are self explanatory and meant for my friends who have been there and so I dedicate these words to all those people that have walked the path with me these last 12 months!

In moments of my pain-you feel it personally
In my sadness - you share my tears
In my times of joy - you smile with me
In my anguish - you've shown me peace
In my solitude - you're the assurance I am loved
In times of confusion - you help me see with clarity
Through episodes of despair - you point the way to hope
When I am angry - you bring the calm
When I am lost - you remind me of where I am
When I feel broken - you remind me who made me
When reality is rough - you remind me of where my strength is found

Update

2008-04-02T09:54:00.002Z

So, as I said in my last post - I have set myself a challenge and goal. The first is to lose 40lbs by November - my 40th birthday and the second is to run the London Marathon. I joined the gym in January and had a thorough health check.
I am very proud to say I have lost 10kg (22lbs) in weight, I have lost 2cm (not much but every millimetre counts) from my waist. I have decreased my BMI by 5points. I have decreased my body fat by 5% and my heart is stronger and my blood pressure is down and I have grown 1cm!!! Apparently, this is due to better posture. So now the push has to increase because I have 12 months to go before I run 26.2miles!
So, next year I might call Oprah and ask to be on her show.

Me

2008-03-31T11:06:00.003Z

so, 32 days ago, I suggested a photo a day challenge and it has driven me nuts some days and I have got nearly as obsessive about the photo's as I did about the gym! Neither of which is a good thing. So today, I felt it only right and proper to put a photo of me on here. 3 Months ago, I started another challenge - to lose 40lbs by November and I am glad to say I am well on the way to that being a reality!!!
Challenges are good because they give us something to aim for and whether they are short term or long term - who cares? I know people whose challenge is to get out of bed every day! So, whether you are planning to climb Mount Everest, run a marathon or just get out of bed. be encouraged - we can do it!

Sunday

2008-03-30T12:34:00.004Z

I worship at Hoxton Salvation Army and today after the service the Lord Mayor of London plus a load of other Mayors walked past our church as they always do in their annual tour of the boundary of the City!
so here here is Delfin, who plays the drums in church....

The Lord Mayor....

and some members of my church outside.

Another bride to be

2008-03-29T21:07:00.003Z

Tonight I went out with my friend Heather and a few people to celebrate her wedding next week. Sorry if the photo's not great, but we went to my favourite Italian restaurant and it was amazing - as always!

Italia

2008-03-28T17:21:00.005Z

If you know me well, you will know that in 1996 I went to work in Italy with The Salvation Army. I lived most of it in the south and fell in love with the people and the country and the food and the culture. I have been accused since of infecting others with my passion. I love my Italian friends and the language is amazing to me because I can actually speak a different language!
I will never forget the day that I was asked if i would like a coffee and from that day, I struggle to drink cafe americano or anything that doesn't come in a little cup!! I have searched high and low in London for places that make it like old Napoli! So indulge me with this photo as I remember how it's made in Napoli.

great day

2008-03-27T15:44:00.004Z

it's a great day and so the two photo's I have taken today will reflect that. I have been given permission to go to a conference in USA about prostitution and I am so excited about it! hence the Teddy bear with American inclination.

Also, I went to the little square near my house and there are bluebells and leaves from autumn still stuck in the fence. it made me think about how Spring can arrive in our lives and yet we still choose to live in Autumn!

plant

2008-03-26T16:51:00.003Z

I took this photo today - it's of a plant that should be kept indoors. I rescued it and have allowed it to do it's own thing - it's a bad photo (taken on the phone camera) but it's survived so much and so it reminds me of those I work with, those that survive so much and still keep fighting despite all the abuse around them.

My collection

2008-03-25T15:40:00.003Z

This was never meant to be anything more than a love for the sound and personality of a car called "Herbie" that started when I watched the films all those years ago. And now I have more than a hundred different manifestations of Beetles in my house - salt/pepper pots; bookends; jelly moulds; ornaments; ones made from lava from Mount Etna; pictures; earrings; badges; necklaces - everything!! so, here is one that a friend painted for me nearly 12 years ago!

Monday

2008-03-24T15:30:00.004Z

Today, I was in Norwich and it was a beautiful morning - the sun shining and very bright. I discovered that this was all because it had snowed, all 4" of it and kept coming!! So here is my day, Snow, Cemetery and cups of tea in a lay by by some monument!!

Snow

2008-03-23T10:20:00.004Z

Good Morning - Happy Easter!!!

Went to the gym and it was snowing - not pretty photo's just snapshots!!!

Back on Tuesday - not near a computer till then!! Day off tomorrow for posting, but I will take pictures!!

Water

2008-03-22T12:56:00.003Z

Dave reminds us that today is world water day!! he inspired me! I take it for granted and in Italy - Sicily - they turn the water off at the mains during the summer for the hottest parts of the day! It's amazing they don't complain anymore than they do!! at this time of celebration, Thank-you God for all the things I have and that I live in a place where water is readily available and help me not to waste it!!!

It's Friday nut Sunday's coming!!

2008-03-21T11:24:00.003Z

So today is Good Friday and this year again I participated in a meditation that went to the churches of the district! we were about 30 of us in the end from lots of different christian traditions and how great when two guys came and joined us before they got back on their train! It's all about us being together and being seen together in a world and community that is so divided we have the opportunity to show unity.

Ruth or Roo

2008-03-20T16:09:00.005Z

Today I had one of the best days ever! I spent some time with Ruth (or Roo which she hates but it's my name for her and always has been since she came into the world)- I am her Godmother. it means I pray like crazy for her and I love her to bits and that she is a gift to me as much as to her family. She's stylish, clever, funny and great company and only 12 - can I add she is nearly as tall as me!!!

here are a couple of photo's from today - we had such fun!!

Books

2008-03-19T12:15:00.003Z

I love Books. when I moved home from Italy in 2002 - I went probably everyday to the WHSmith's on the station! it was great to be able to get books in English! I hear this is normal behaviour for returning missionaries! But this is shelf from behind the door and you will notice that alongside the holy books are ones in other languages and Salvation Army ones. Kind of sums up my life!

my balcony

2008-03-18T14:45:00.004Z

I live in a house which is grade 2 listed, and it has two balcony fences but no balcony and this is a photo of that old iron work painted as it was. I love my fences but I am not sure why we have them?

The Challenge

2008-03-18T08:54:00.002Z

we are now more than halfway through the challenge and thanks Guys, I look forward to all the photo's put up! What strikes me though is that I need to take photo's of things no-one else has done! there are days when it's hard and some days it's easy - but I am certainly enjoying the challenge! Today is only beginning and I am already searching for a subject.

my kitchen

2008-03-17T12:21:00.002Z

I love to cook and this are my spices and herbs that I use. I inherited the jars from a friend and they are proudly displayed. They talk about home and comfort and all things lovely

Me and My Nephew

2008-03-16T16:24:00.004Z

So, this afternoon I spent some time with my genius of a nephew - Jordan.

Ian Beale

2008-03-15T19:24:00.002Z

My photo of the day is from St. Pancras International taken on my mobile and it's a filming of a scene from Eastenders! all we heard was Ian Beale shouting - "Stop Lucy

"

Friday

2008-03-14T14:38:00.006Z

today is the last day of Kings Cross week and so here's one for Andy. Kings Cross is full of amazing buildings but we seem to have an abundance of buildings with this rich red brick which I love!

This one I took because of the sky and I needed the sky to give it some "perspective".

another

2008-03-13T19:52:00.002Z

Okay, so I have already posted a photo today and a similar one like this new one this week, but it has rained all day and the water on the ground along with all the lights in KX made me now I might just get something wonderful and so here they are - my 2 favourites taken about 10 mins ago!

Tube

2008-03-13T13:40:00.002Z

Took this photo and then got told photography is not allowed on the underground!!! oh well, these trains go under my house and I feel the house tremble regularly.

my view

2008-03-12T17:16:00.005Z

This is the view from my bedroom window. It is the fishbowl and I hate it. I have changed the colour to make it more interesting for me!!! it's light grey concrete.

the only redeeming feature is that sometimes in the early morning it catches the sun and has a golden glow!

tourists!

2008-03-11T22:06:00.004Z

today Kathy came to see me and after a coffee we became tourists in Kings Cross - here are 3 photo's of me and her in the Cross at various places!

Sorry - I have just noticed my silly grin

it's after 1am

2008-03-11T00:57:00.004Z

it's after 1am and I am just home from an evening of extra work with the Salvation Army, serving burgers to people on an emergency training, but here are 2 photo's I took earlier today. One is of the busy crossing in kings Cross, where on the way home, I have seen two women working as prostitutes. The other is an old Oyster tower that I would love for The Salvation Army!! All in Kings Cross.

Sunday Evening

2008-03-09T22:47:00.004Z

I am so excited about this photo because I have always wanted to take a picture like this and finally it has happened. This is taken at the end of the road where I live. it's nearly always got traffic passing through on the way somewhere. I live in a transient community, but it is mine and I love it! This photo epitomises the speed and colours that are around me every day!